Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Tax Policy

A simple explanation of our tax system, courtesy of Prof. Kamerschen of Georgia...

Suppose that every day, ten guys go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four guys (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do. The ten guys drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four guys were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six guys - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the guys began to compare their savings.

"I only got a dollar out of the $20, "declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man," but he got $10!" "Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got TEN times more than I!" "That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four guys in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!" The nine guys surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Big Foot Sighting in San Fran

Today on the wonderful, and stylishly entertaining MSNBC Countdown with Keith Olbermann, he talked about Anna Nicole Smith........no seriously he did.......just like everyone else..........the body can be buried on MARS for Pete's sake..............who fucking cares anymore............

But he did talk about one of my favorite athletes over on the West Coast. This certain Arizona State University attendee, first round draft pick by the Pittsburgh Pirates, and single season home run record holder apparently had some shoe and hat sizing issues revealed today. When Barry Bonds, now 42 years old, came to San Francisco a while ago, his Equipment Manager issued the outfielder his numerous shoes, socks, stirrups, pants, shorts, sliding shorts, shirts, jerseys, workout gear, wet gear, gloves, and what not, just like everyone else. But this guy thought it would be a good idea to take note of a few things: his shoe size, 10.5, and his hat size, 7 1/8. To the ordinary mind of a Midwest American sports fan, this information doesn't sound very interesting. However, to a person that is a borderline conspiracy theorist and sports medicine enthusiast, I want to see those numbers for his hat and shoe size NOW!!

Testosterone supplements that were thrown around in the BALCO rooms by Victor Conti like Dianabols, Andros, Decas, and Durabolins, produce some serious effects on the body: LIKE GETTING FUCKING HUGE!!!! Human Growth Hormones, like the ones Landis lost his Tour de France Title for also produce paralleling effects: MASSIVE GROWTH!!!

An average male human being's feet and hands sieze their continued growth at the age of 19, while outliers to the stats stop growing at 21, or even 23 in rare cases. Sooooooo, Barry shouldn't be growing at the ripe old age of 42 huh???? Barry's current sizes.........................HAT........7 1/2.......... Shoe...............13.5........................ don't really help this argument. I mean, Barry managed to grow his feet three sizes and his hat size, after the shaved head, with the help of anabolic steroids. If you don't believe that, you must have voted for Nader.

With all the controversy that surrounded the Baseball Hall of Fame voting today, (nobody got in,) a real sports fan has to realize what the voters are trying to do: Make the Hall of Fame only for the true elitists. What about Barry?? Does he get in when it is his turn???He did hit some serious homers that he attests were not assisted by illegal agents.........really........i mean really.......... I don't know, but that's why i am not on the selection committee for the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Monday, February 26, 2007

helmets off to the NFL

Sometimes people surprise you, today it came out that over the weekend members of the NFL players union meet and discussed the possibility of a three strikes and your out rule with regards to personal conduct. Yes pacman they were talking about people like you, guys who embarrass themselves on a regular basis. When you go to strip clubs throw around $81,000 dollars cash, and then get pissed when the strippers touch pacman's money you embarrass others in the league. Every time Chris Henry got arrested, i would give a number but i lost count sometime last season, others in the league gets a black eye. When lights out Merriam cheats to win players are wondering should i cheat? There are problems in the NFL, but when there are problems in the NFL the players take the appropriate steps to remedy the problem. Unlike the baseball players union who needs Congressional hearings to realize that they have a performance enhancing drug problem. The NFL players didn't need John McCain embarrassing their commissioner to say to each other, these guys are making me look bad, maybe we should do something. It is a pleasant surprise when athletes say to their peers, hey the shit you are doing doesn't fly here, change your lifestyle or get out.
Way to go players it is nice to know that some members of the pro sports world actually care about the behavior of others.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

So what is news anymore?

The last two weeks has given us an abundance of outrageous news stories, but i want to know if they are really news? Anna Nicole Smith has been plastered all over the news casts since her death over a week ago. So i want to know if every time a b or c list celebrity passes away if there affairs will be covered like a presidential death. I was watching CNN last week and enjoying JC Watts question global warming and Wolf Biltzer took us to breaking news, the parities in the Anna Nicole case were having a joint news conference. Are you kidding me since when is Anna Nicole's life breaking news. She was never breaking new while she was alive. I think i speak for much of America when i say who cares. We need to hold our news casters to higher standards. I think we should expect them to cover issues important to the American people. We have a war that is that is going poor at best, we have a build up of rhetoric with Iran, and a presidential race. Are these issues not important to cover? I am sick and tired of turning on the TV and seeing Anna Nicole and Britney going absolutely nuts. This is not what we need. Cover things that matter, not the sad stories of the rich and the never that famous.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Need a new cell phone?

Consider Planned Parenthood Wireless. At no extra cost to you, 10% of your cell bill will go to support Planned Parenthood. What a deal, huh?

I think this could be revolutionary. How soon until groups start using other services to get you to support them? I'm thinking that Klan Kable sounds like something that should happen.

P.S. Agent Zero watch... "My Swag was Phenomenal." Watch to the end to get my new favorite quote.

Sausage

The nature of making sausage, although a sight for sore eyes, remains a product of efficient butchery. Good sausage contains scrap portions of multiple types of ground meat, animal fat, herbs, and spices that are packed tightly into a piece of another lucky dead animals intestinal tract. Great sausage is cured, and The Best sausage is smoked. The irony in the process lies in the fact that the meat used was never really intended for the marketplace. Sumerian (modern day Iraq) Butchers in 3000 BC accumulated pounds of excess trimmings every day that could be thrown away, instead they transformed the scrap and sold the evolved product into a profit. Industrial engineers and Economists across the world would appreciate the efficiency involved in making sausage. Efficiency like this will go a long way in the next eighteen months for both the Republican National Committee and the Democratic National Committee and their epic journey to fill the Oval Office.
The January fund-raising numbers for the RNC and DNC came out earlier this week and the trends beginning to form may predict next November’s result. Arguably, inherited wealth of Presidential candidates used to cornerstone his ability to campaign properly and win a seat in Washington. Today the story is a little more complex. The Committees will become the named candidates primary resource for cash once the race gets kicked into high gear. The RNC raised $10.5 million last month while accumulating an immaterial amount of debt. This has been the recurring theme for them the past few months, and continuing efforts like these will separate themself from the DNC in due time. The majority of the inflow is attributable to single donations less than $200; with obvious major player contributions hitting close to $30,000 on the high end. The DNC, who raised $6.5 million while accumulating $4 million in debt, seems to be dragging their feet a little bit. The money managers must be as efficient as a good sausage maker if they want to maintain a successful run.

For a President to get elected in today’s world he must be aesthetically appealing, educated to the highest degree, and oh yeah...........he needs close to $100,000,000 to afford a proper and winning campaign, a lot of which comes from the own personal pocket of the candidates. Sorry Brownback, you don’t stand a chance, quit wasting your money.

So as a proper American, everyone of you should be reading the pamphlets, staying up on the candidates, and......donating to your affiliated party!!! Your last purely EASY chance to give to the Presidential Campaign, (and I mean if you can make a check mark, you can give to this fund) lies on your own federal tax return form 1040EZ. Some time ago, the IRS thought it would be a great idea to request a personal donation of $3 to the Presidential Campaign Fund accomplished through checking a box on a form. After all, out of the roughly 300 million Americans, only 20% need to check that box and BOOM...two hundred million in the Presidential fund. However, they were pretty damn ambitious when they set their own goal.......after all.........Who really checks that box??????
I am a humanitarian at heart (not in the court room) and didn’t want the guy who had the idea for the$3 donation to feel left out, so I checked the box and gave my money, after all it IS three dollars. Honestly, I felt good on the inside afterwards. So if you are lookin for a little pick me up before you do your taxes.......check the box.......trust me..........you’ll feel better about yourself.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

NBA All-Star Weekend

If I were a rich, connected person, there's no place I'd rather have been last weekend than Vegas. All the NBA players were there for All-Star Weekend. I can only imagine how awesome the parties were. Even could have hung out with lookindeep's coolest person in the world, Jay-Z. For me, the highlight was the Charles Barkley - Dick Bavetta race. Sir Charles, having the big mouth that he does, always ragged on Bavetta the referee. Bavetta, who runs 5 miles/day, came out and challenged Barkley to a race. I'll admit, I thought that Bavetta would win, because Barkley isn't exactly a young man and looks like he is 6'4", 325lbs. In the end, Barkley crushed the old guy, running the last leg of the race backwards. The extra special moment was the post-race interview where Barkley and Bavetta actually kissed. Was that some kind of response to Tim Hardaway.

As I'll do frequently, here's a cool YouTube clip. This one is a dance off featuring King James, Dwight Howard, and the Diesel. Shaq has got to be the coolest player in the NBA



P.S. Yay for global warming in Lawrence.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Today is Actually Oval Office Day

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
In the town of Messina, Ol' Willy Shakespeare dictates a beautiful story that was scorned by deceitful wrongdoings. As Much Ado About Nothing tragically ends, as it always seems to do with Willy, the surviving Don John is punished for his actions, and irony serves purpose as the main charecter Hero actually dies. So too should the people who only honor a certain few on this great day have tragedy struck upon them.

I propose today to be renamed "Oval Office Day".......not very catchy I know.

Moving ON

Today is Presidents Day, and some Americans decided to only honor two Presidents: Washington and Lincoln. There is no contest that those two honorable men deserve all of the recognition that people throw their way. On the other hand, what about the other forty-two???
Harry Truman served as Commander in Cheif along with a half dozen others that never attended college, not to mention an advanced education like medical school or the obvious law school. FDR's first hundred days is still talked about for a reason.....oh yeah.....He accomplished some serious shit! "W" got pretty close to getting the estate tax removed........ no joke hear. Thats just to name a few of the men who got to sit in the chair, shake the hands, and take the pictures.

In all fairness, every brave person that served in the "Oval Office" should be honored, whether head honcho OR smart secretary. You try running a Friggin SUPER POWER by yourself. I understand we have things that would make Julius Ceaser proud like the House, Senate, and so forth, BUT, without the Presidents staff in the West Wing: Cheif of Staff, Deputy Cheif of Staff, Press Secretaries, Communications Directors, Assistants upon Assistants upon Assistants(Yes, they all get a capital letter like the President), the poor man would be a sitting duck. So I propose to honor all Presidents and Staff even if their birthday isn't the third Monday in February. "Oval Office Day" will still honor all bank holiday's, gov't holiday's, and absurd reasons for CEOs to hit the pheasent fields one more time.....Just so you know, if you are ever hunting with Cheney, you want him on your RIGHT side!

To finish accordingly: the people who decided today that they would only honor Washington and Lincoln should have their friends turn on them, fall into a devastating love triangle, and be murdered by fectless thugs in a passionite iambic pentameter. That is what Ol' Willy would have wanted.

Happy Presidents Day

So on this important holiday i would like to wish a happy birthday to the guy on the quarter and the other guy on the penny (even though today is not their birthdays, but hey the government workers haven't had a day off from work since MLK day a whole month ago.)
Now on to my thoughts.....
Story number one: Liverpool soccer star attacks teammate... while singing?
True story members of the Liverpool futbol team were involved in a dispute over karaoke. Craig Bellamy struck his teammate in the leg with a golf club after disagreeing who won a karaoke contest (Si.com). Lets put this in a context that we can understand, cause none of us Americans know futbol. This is the equivalent to having Tank Johnson attack Rex Grossman because he thought he was a better singer (I agree that Tank and his army win this fight every time). This story makes me question if we really need to bring futbol to this country.
Story number two: Baby Brady!
In case you hadn't heard the one and only Tom Brady knocked up his ex-girlfriend. That's right the NFL draft 2028 NFL mock drafts are starting to come out and Mel's big board has baby Brady at the top. I also like to thank Tom for the lesson in love, step one knock up girlfriend, step two dump her ass, step three: chase supermodels. (i heard he used three other steps while chasing the supermodels, step1 put a hole in a box, step 2 put your junk in that box, step 3 make her open box, works everytime!) I always used to wonder why i loved Brady so much, now i know he is the role model for our male generation, fuck Jordan i want to be like Tom!
Story three: The end of my favorite television show!
Yes tonight appears to be the end of one of my favorite TV shows, Studio Sixty on the Sunset Strip looks as if it will be airing its final regular episode tonight. I find it ironic that a show that started its run by trashing the current television landscape in a five minute monologue will be taken off the air and be replaced by crap. We have shows about swapping spouses, training our out of control children, guessing which box has the most money, and stranding people on an island. It makes me sick that show that discusses the role of the FCC, race relations in the work place, drug addictions in the upper class, and presents substance each and every week can be canned for the crap people watch today. I think it is clear that just by examining a sheet of television ratings we are becoming less intelligent as a country. Well with that i bid a farewell...

PS: Also i would like to tell all that the new Japanese restaurant on 23rd street which is called Yokohama should be pronounced "YO-K Mama" trust me on this. (hope this works).

Mergers

So Sirius and XM announced a merger today. Sounds like if you want satellite radio, you are down to one option. Seems to me that the anti-trust folks will object, but I guess we'll see.

I'm all for corporate consolidation, especially when it leads to this...




Hopefully XM and Sirius can that guy to cover some other song for them.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

feelings of excitement

Tackling ideas with conquering forces is what sets this Blog aside from others. Unlike the United States that fathered a certain democratic-Republican President, James Monroe, who asked to !BORROW the Portuguese Naval Armada to fight !OUR War of 1812 against France,...?FACT!..., this Blog will not succumb to outsourcing our creative nature. For that is the underlining theme, to stimulate internal cognition; accomplished threw multiple modes for voicing your personal opinion, your own self-depricating, self-loathing, and self-medicated personal God Damn Opinion.

On some side notes, not only shall there be politics involved, it is encouraged. Rules like; "no back-stabbing" and "Hey, that was just rude!" flat out don't apply; Say what you will!!! Say whats on the inside about anything. For Example...

-------Side Note Start-----
I mean some of you out there reading this probably learn best by example. And I am not saying that there is anything wrong with that. I feel learning by example is great reinforcement for internal cognition.
------Side Note End-------

I understand that most college students finish college in four years, and Congratufuckinlations, I have the treat of learning under a lecturer who runs class like a glorified show and fucking tell......And I Am Better Because I have been here for........A fifth Year Education!!!